Once this made the news, the French surrendered. Unconditionally.
He had some explosive indigestion.
A hospital in France was evacuated after a male patient arrived with a WWI artillery shell lodged in his backside.
According to the bum-shell report, the unnamed 24-year-old had been rushed to the Rangueil Accident and Emergency unit in Toulouse late Saturday night, the Daily Mail reported.
The poor fellow was “in a state of extreme discomfort, having inserted a large object up his rectum,” an insider source said.
Surgeons conducted emergency surgery, during which they discovered the shocking source of his pain — a live, eight-inch bomb shell from 1918 that had been lodged inside him, the Sun reported.
Fearing a potential fire in the hole — and hospital — medical personnel alerted the bomb squad and fire brigade and evacuated the facility.
Meanwhile, a security perimeter was formed around the medical center as the authorities investigated the explosive situation.
Fortunately, the retro munition, which was also pointed and over an inch wide, was not deemed a threat.
The bomb disposal experts took the shell with them while the patient, a French national, remained at the hospital so he could recover from surgery.
It was unclear how the antique ordnance ended up in the man’s posterior, but experts suspected the combustible could have been the result of a party stunt gone awry.
However, France’s La Dépêche newspaper wrote that medical staff in Toulouse are “accustomed to treating victims injured during sexual games.”
The shellshocked patient is expected to be interviewed by authorities later this week, while prosecutors are considering taking legal action against him for handling “category A munitions,” per an officer.
Shells such as the one found in the man’s bum were used during the First World War by the Imperial German Army, which deployed hundreds of thousands against the British and French armies across the Western Front between 1914 and 1918.
The explosives, which are date-stamped, regularly turn up during the “Iron Harvest” – the annual collection of often unexploded munitions from both world wars, which are found on farmland, building sites and other disrupted land.
And while a person’s backside might seem like a strange location for one of them to surface, shockingly, this wasn’t a first at a French hospital.
In 2022, the Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon was partially evacuated after an 88-year-old arrived with a World War I artillery shell similarly lodged in his anus.
Anyone stupid enough to shove a projectile up their ass, should be made famous. The public deserves to know who these idiots are so they can avoid them.