How to Speak Douchebag

Hat Tip to Byron York at The Washington Examiner.

National Public Radio executives say there will be “no apology” for an animated cartoon on the network’s website that has angered thousands of conservatives. The cartoon, entitled “How to Speak Tea Bag,” by satirist Mark Fiore, will remain on the NPR site, executives tell NPR ombudsman Alicia Shepard.

The video is a leftwingnut slap at the Tea (Taxed Enough Already) Party movement. Fiore uses hackneyed insults to “poke fun” at Americans who are fed up with the current bunch of autocrats who occupy the White House, Congress, and Senate.  “Tea Bag,” the video concludes, “Because other languages are just too hard.”

Here’s my response to Fiore’s cute little video.

“How to Speak Douchebag”

Learning to speak “Douchebag” isn’t very hard. You can become fluent in Douchebag in no time at all by simply listening to the instructional examples put forth by the Democratic Party. 

It’s so easy, even an NPR fan can do it.

Lesson One:  When you encounter terms used by ObamaCare opponents like   “projected 23.7 trillion dollar deficit”, “tax increases”, “penalties for not buying government-controlled health care insurance”,  “health care rationing”, “unfair burden on future generations”, “decline in the quality of health care”, and “have you actually read  the bill?”, respond with the Douchebag  repartee:  You ‘bitter, gun-clinging, racist!’.

Lesson Two: If you’re having trouble convincing ObamaCare opponents that the STATE  knows what’s good for them, resort to the ‘marginalization’ techniques practiced by Douchebags like Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-R.I.):

“They have ardent supporters who are nearly hysterical at the very election of President Barack Obama. The ‘birthers,’ the fanatics, the people running around in right-wing militias and Aryan support groups, it is unbearable to them that President Obama should exist.”

And Harry Reid:

“lies, innuendo and rumor”…”evil-mongers!”

And Nancy Pelosi and Steny Hoyer:

“These disruptions are occurring because opponents are afraid not just of differing views — but of the facts themselves. Drowning out opposing views is simply un-American.”

Ignorant Tea Party rednecks need to understand that disrupting the facts and differing views of real American Douchebags, is un-American.  

Lesson Three: Don’t be discouraged when one of them points to the SEIU’s influence over policy, or the special interest groups tied to ObamaCare like PHARMA, AMA, and the AARP.  Just use the Douchebag axiom:  “You hate Obama because he’s our first Black President, you racist!”

Lesson Four: When a Tea Party protester objects to the government coming in between them and their health care choices, tell them they’re just “paranoid” and some kind of “KKK kook”.

If all else fails, use the standard: It’s all BUSH’s fault!” or “You know why? Shut up, that’s why!”

Douchebag…because the reality of patriotic Americans who oppose socialism and support the U.S. Constitution, is just too hard to deal with.

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