More thinly disguised satire from the incomperable Iowahawk:
Apologetic Mumbai Killers: “We Didn’t Get the Memo About Obama”
MUMBAI – Ajmal Amir Kasab, the sole surviving member of the 10-man team of Pakistani gunmen that left hundreds dead or wounded after a bloody three day rampage in Mumbai, today blamed the mayhem on an “email mixup” that left him and his colleagues unaware that Barack Obama had won election as President of the United States.
“What? Oh bloody hell, now you tell me,” said Kasab, as he was led away in handcuffs by Indian security forces.
Kasab, 21, apologized to Indian President Pratibha Patil, explaining that no one in his group had known about the recent U.S. election results.
“Boy, talk about having egg on the face,” said a visibly embarrassed Kasab. “If we knew Bush was on his way out, obviously we would have called off the crazy random baby-shootings and martyrdom stuff, and signed on with the Peace Corps or Habitat for Humanity. At this point I guess all I can say is ‘my bad.'”
“Seriously, I can’t even begin to tell you how shitty the whole situation makes me feel,” he added dejectedly. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m as thrilled as everybody else to find out Barack won the election, but this moment is always going to be bittersweet knowing that all those shootings were tragically unnecessary. Not to mention the six weeks I wasted in training camp.”
Kasab, who is personally suspected of killing over 30 victims at point-blank range in a posh Mumbai hotel, was at a loss to explain how he and other members of the terrorist assault team remained unaware of the historic U.S. election results that many American analysts predicted would lead to an immediate and permanent outbreak of rapturous harmony and transcendent brotherly love throughout the universe.
Think about the consequences of Obama’s election; whether Islamic douchebags will be happy enough that a sympathizer is in the Oval Office, and how they’ll react. Whether they will declare peace instead of jihad if Obama kow tows, or if they’ll exploit the opportunity and take advantage of a leftwing military-despising milksop, with no clue or desire to protect America’s security here or abroad.
David Burge’s satire is closer to the truth than you think.
6 thoughts on “Mumbai Terrorists Didn’t Get the Obama Memo”
1. Vietnam was lost in Congress the day the Democrats decided to pull the funding. But your post had nothing to do with “win or lose”, you brought up the subject of “torture”, which I addressed in my response. Re-read your own post.
2. The target of the war should be anywhere and everywhere Islamic terrorists live and breed. Period. I don’t like the fact that there are muslims in this country. Extremist groups like CAIR have no business being allowed to operate here. Freedom of religion aside, when it’s used part and parcel to organized terrorism, it should be shut down. If the FBI is as vigilant as their mission requires, they’ll keep a close watch on the Mosques in the U.S. as well as the groups they support.
3. You cannot be that dense. Any one with even a remote familiarity with Islamic terrorism knows that is is entirely based on their religion, which is used as a tool and the purpose for their violence. Do you not pay attention when Ayman al-Zawahri releases a new video speech, or actually understand what is said on any of the radical Islamic sites on the internet? In that sense, they all belong to the religious sect, and it must be eliminated. If they really objected to the terrorism carried out in the name of their religion, where the hell are they? Why have they not protested, spoken out, or helped shut down the Mosques and websites that spew fascist rhetoric? There’s that tacit ‘disapproval’ again. Just think what would happen if the world’s Christians decided to rise up and fight back the same way.
Muslims are inculcated with a 7th Century religious screed that preaches violence and death to ‘infidels’, in the name of allah. To ignore or dismiss that is missing the point. When it comes to zealotry, muslims, especially as of late, have outdone anything Christian fundamentalists ever did.
I see this war as one being waged between two civilizations–the West and Islam. That’s exactly what the terrorists had in mind when they started it.
Mohammad declared the war in 692AD, and the muslims started prosecuting it in 693AD.
The target has made its goal quite clear.
P.S. If you’re not prepare to argue, don’t post an argumentative comment.
I only have three things to say, as I am not going to argue. Your post seemed quite open and I was willing to engage in conversation. However, this is not something you appear to be open to talk about at all.
#1 Vietnam was not won by the US period.
#2 I never said I was against the war in general (although I think the target of the second war was wrong.)
#3 Comparing a religious based action to ANY war mentioned in your post is misunderstanding the target. Pretend to be against the bible and go talk to a Christian and see the response you get. That zealous behavior is what you are fighting, so if you fight without ideals you will not win unless you are intending to kill off an entire religious sect. (It can’t be us against them, when some of US are of the same religion. You can say it isn’t a religion based war, but based on your own comments this is how you see this war.)
I beg to differ, and I’ll do it by stating facts.
For years, Al Qaeda and the Taliban trained thousands of terrorist cells across the Middle East, North Africa, Indonesia, and Southwest Asia.
In other words, radical muslim terrorists existed long before our invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan.
Over the last century and the early part of this one, they attacked all over the world. Prior to 1993, however, the attacks within this country were carried out by Puerto Rican terrorists, the radical Students for a Democratic Society, (SDS) and The Weathermen, in which Obama’s buddy Bill Ayers was a member. We were relatively lucky and had a false sense of confidence because the bulk of terrorist attacks occurred in other countries thousands of miles from our shores.
We now have to contend with muslim terrorist cells who’ve infiltrated this country, as well as their supporters like CAIR and the Arab-American Action Network, who operate carte blanche within our borders.
The hackneyed accusation of “creating more terrorists” is just plain stupid and void of any real understanding of history. This is tantamount to saying the reason there were so many Nazis, Imperialist Japanese, and fascist Italians, is because we fought back.
We bombed the hell out of Germany, kicked the shit out of Italy, and nuked Japan. We won through superior firepower, weaponry, a tough, hellacious military, and the will to use all three. 9/11 was the Pearl Harbor of the 21st Century and all the critics are capable of is spouting nonsense and being al Qaeda apologists; “Don’t retaliate, it’ll only make them angrier.” At what point do liberals think a threat is serious enough to confront? Didn’t 9/11 hit close enough to your own back yard?
You didn’t expect the bad guys to be very happy at the fact that we brought the war they started, back to them, did you? Of course they’re going to be pissed.
They didn’t like getting their asses kicked where they live and breed.
Bin Laden and the rest of the Islamic domain didn’t need Iraq as an excuse or a recruiting tool. Muslim-sponsored terrorist attacks got increasingly closer to America, and finally happened on Clinton’s watch in 1993. As a matter of fact there were numerous attacks during his tenure: the USS Cole, Khobar Towers, the U.S. Embassies in Tanzania and Kenya as well as the FIRST World Trade Center attack in 1993. Clinton responded by wagging the dog in Somalia, and deploying us to the Balkans, fer christ’s sake. But, Bubba did have his priorities; Chinese cash, stolen FBI files, and Monica’s mouth to crotch resuscitation.
While you’re fretting over who’s “right”, you might want to ask yourself why muslims thought they were “right” to slaughter 3000 people on this soil in a brutal unprovocated attack. Yeah, I’d say it’s “us versus them”.
I did my “research” as a Soldier and Intelligence Analyst in Iraq. I’ve been to war, I know first hand how it can be won, and it’s not by playing patty-cake with bloodthirsty muslims out to subject everyone to Sharia Law.
That’s the “world government” that should scare you.
Speaking of “divine”, Mohammad Atta screamed “Allah U Akbar” as he crashed his plane into the World Trade Center. If you want to do research into the warped minds of muslims and the ideology-based religion they call Islam, hop on websites like Memri and Al Jazeera. They’re chock full of “divine” based reasoning for jihad.
The Islamofascist vision of a world Caliphate will continue unless we kill them all off. These 21st Century Ottoman wannabes are simply following the precepts set down in the Koran. Islam is, at its very core, a violent theocracy. They fired the first volley in this war decades ago, and no one took it seriously. Even after victory is officially declared in Iraq and Afghanistan, this war ain’t over by a long shot.
As for all the angst over torture: McCain should know better. The NVA and Viet Cong didn’t honor the Geneva Convention any more than Islamic terrorists. The Geneva Convention is an obsolete document which apparently doesn’t apply to any country except the U.S. Every enemy we’ve fought abused American POWs, and committed wholesale atrocities, yet we’re the only ones looked upon as being “immoral” by a world we helped save in two world wars, and guarded against Communist aggression for over 60 years.
Soldiers tasked with guarding dangerous terrorist prisoners are lumped in and scrutinized ad nauseum along with the few who pulled stunts similar to college hazing. Al Qaeda and Taliban butchers on the other hand, get a pass. Those slugs were captured after firefights, caught planting IED’s, and arrested as part of sweeps for terrorist cells. If it takes hooking a terrorist’s testicles up to a 12 volt battery to extract information that will save American lives, I’ve got two things to say: The red is positive, the black is negative. I won’t lose one minute’s sleep over it, either, sweetpea.
The truth is, most of them are treated so fucking well…3 hots, a cot, and all the prayer time they want, that most of them don’t want to leave. Torture, like hell. They should be so abused.
As for our “image”, I”ll bring a quote from my post titled “Welcome to Obamanation”:
You’re right about one thing; he’s no “typical American”.
I respectfully disagree. I feel that Bush created more terrorists, his attitude and the negative publicity he received because of sentiments that created a “us v them” mentality. By living up to our ideals we actually “might” have less people agree with the extremists. That is how you win a war, not by beating people into submission. Someone that believes strongly in something will be a better terrorist (thus why fundamentalist are so dangerous), one major way that you recruit people to something like terrorism is make them them believe that the opposition is so deserving of hate that they are doing their duty to go against them. Like all wars, both sides think they are on the “right” side. They believe strongly that their side is divine, and part of that argument was against the “typical” American, and Obama isn’t seen as the “typical” American.
I did something a bit different for my “research” on this topic I joined groups that are Muslim (Islam as they prefer) online so I could see perspectives. The people in the areas where these wars are raging are generally against the fundamentalists, but they articulate what I say here… One of their biggest concerns is a world government that doesn’t take their perspectives into account, which is something that most people can relate to. If we are seen as the people attempting to make that world government we are scary. (We being America.) In addition things like preaching against torture (yes I know what McCain’s stance was, and I totally respect him for it) then actually using it and/or giving people over so someone else could do it assists in that thought that we are unethical and only out for ourselves…
Trust me, as so aptly shown in Dave’s satire, it makes no difference whether or not Muslims are predisposed to be extremist ideologues or terrorists. Most of them are. If by the “same light” you mean as a country willing to stand for its principles and defend itself, I certainly hope they continue to see us that way.
The real difference is having a strong, pro-American, anti-Islamofascist leader in the White House who will make them think twice, maybe three times, before they attack us again.
Hint: It ain’t Obama.
My opinion – Those that think that situation will go into “auto” change are fooling themselves. If we expect that maybe, just maybe a chance that some people that would “become” terrorists won’t because of the Obama win, I feel that is a possibility. Not that we can totally think it is history, but perhaps more will give the US a chance and won’t see us in the same light…